"Ring in the Zombie Apocalypse with a Zombie Costume!"
After years of joking about how we would survive a zombie attack and hit movies like Zombieland, the zombie revival chicken has finally come home to its unholy roost.
The United States is in the beginning stages of an all-out zombie apocalypse.
It seems the heat of the summer months has turned seemingly normal house moms and homeless men into raging cannibalistic lunatics. On May 26th 2012, 31-year-old Rudy Eugene chewed off around 80% of an innocent manís face. On June 12th 2012, a New York woman stripped naked, started attacking her three-year-old son, and attempted to strangle her pitbull. Reports of psychotic violence have surged. These crazy happenings have the whole country asking "What the what?"
Looking at many news headlines about these incidents, the answer seems clear: bath salts. Bath salts are apparently "the new LSD" according to people familiar with the drug trade and "the coolest thing ever" according to those involved in the drug trade. The main ingredient is Methylenedioxypyrovalerone or MDPV. It is a designer drug also known by the street name "spice." This drug when sold on the street can cause outbursts and extreme reactivity, but is not known to promote cannibalism.
But, letís be honest. Bath salts? I mean, do they come in calming scents and help my mom relax after a long day? This sounds like something The Man made up to keep us from the truth. How easy it is to pin the blame on innocent, law-abiding drug users. Too easy if you ask me.
Iíve got a better theory. Zombie virus.
Thatís right. Zombies. Canít live with Ďem. Canít kill Ďem because theyíre already dead. What is it about the zombie that keeps us begging for mercy and begging for more? Is it the cannibalism? Is it the cool grungy outfits? Well, weíve been talking about them, making movies about them, mocking their techniques, and now theyíve arrived and are living among us. I donít know if the zombie virus is in the water, the bath salts, or both, but the point is: no one is safe.
I say that if you canít beat the zombies, join them. This Halloween, say hello to your new undead neighbors with super scary Zombie Halloween Costumes. From child to adult, these Scary Costumes are coming back to life in a major way. There are so many different kinds of zombies to choose from. You could be a robed zombie, a suited zombie, a doctor zombie, or a zombie still looking for gainful employment. You could even carry around a "foreclosed" sign or your zombie resume for a unique Recession Zombie look. Zombie unemployment is an issue not usually discussed in public discourse. Nothing will change if thereís not a dialogue.
I once dressed up as a Zombie Bride for Halloween, complete with pale green face paint and dead bouquet of flowers. I went around moaning things like "Preeeeeenuptial Agreeeeement!" and "Aaaaaalimony!" Keep in mind that I was around 12 at the time. My costume was a major hit and proves that Zombie Costumes arenít just for grown-ups. Thereís nothing cuter or creepier than a Zombie Child. Get a Kids Zombie Costumes and have him or her hunting for brains in no time.
No matter how you do it, get yourself infected this Halloween with a spooky Zombie Costume. With the world ending in 2012, youíll be all ready to greet your zombie overlords when the time comes. Live it up the dead way this holiday season with one of these terrifying costumes!